Monday, September 13, 2010

the lachrymatory

the lachrymatory

Yes, he loves you…he really loves you. Can you imagine anyone else so mindful of you that he would collect the very tears that we cry.

Lamentations 3:22
He’s so mindful of you. He gives you little nuggets in your valley. And sends countless other messages & people in our lives just to speak life into what we see as a seemingly dead situation.

There is no other person that I know, that will answer a hurting, broken, hopeless heart better.


Your tears.

He said, I said.

Boaz: He can’t find you if you are hidden

Me: So am I hidden in PLAIN sight?

Boaz: Maybe God is working on his eye sight and perception.

Me: Oh, okay. So thats what it is?

Boaz: Among a few other things.

Me: So I should continue to gleem in the fields until I am noticed.

Boaz: Work ministry? Yes.

Me: So. I will. Patience is virtue.

for those in waiting…

Sunday, September 12, 2010

WhY & hOw?

How do you go from LOVING a person to hating them at the same time? I truly do not understand. How soon do we forget? How can you go from loving someone to slandering their name all over the city, coming up with every negative comment you can think of, and dragging them through the dirt every chance you get. (Matthew 7:1-5). Nobody is perfect (and that includes YOU), but when you know the VERY HEARTBEAT of someone…and that someone did nothing but provoke you into the wonderful person that you are…how can you go from LOVE to hate in a matter of about 60 seconds? Is it not in the Bible that if you are at odds with someone to go to them and work it out? I truly do not understand people these days and how they can join any NAYSAYER and how they can go from God wonderful child to claiming to be a child of GOD and a naysayer at the very same time. (James 1:6-8). Be a woman or a man about it, and just go to the person who you are at odds with and talk it out.

Check this out below:



I. Various words used in Scripture.

A. Hebrew word rakil

Lev. 19:16 - “you shall not go about as a slanderer”

Prov. 11:13 - “he who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets”

Prov. 20:19 - “he who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets”

Jere. 6:28 - “rebellious, going about as a talebearer”

Jere. 9:4 - “goes about as a slanderer”

B. Greek word psithurismos - “to whisper” - psst

Rom. 1:29 - filled with unrighteousness, full of deceit, gossips, slanderers”

II Cor. 12:20 - “slanderers, gossip..”

C. Greek word phluarus - “to babble”

I Tim. 5:13 - “gossips and busybodies”

D. Greek word diabolos - “to throw through, to slander”

I Tim. 3:11 - “malicious gossips”

II Tim. 3:3 - “malicious gossips”

Titus 2:3 - “malicious gossips”

II. Defining gossip.

A. To spread secrets or rumors - Prov. 11:13; 20:19

B. False accusations, slander

C. To reveal personal facts about another.

1. “Did you know…?” “Have you heard…?”

2. What information about others is legitimately passed on to others?

III. Biblical evaluation of gossip.

A. Antithesis of righteousness - Lev. 19:16; Prov. 11:9; Rom. 1:29

B. Antithesis of faithfulness - Prov. 11:13

C. Product of corrupt mind - Rom. 1:28

D. Used by wicked people - Jere. 6:28

E. Stirs up trouble - Jere. 9:4

F. Breaks relationships - Prov. 11:9; 16:28

G. Causes anger - Prov. 25:23

H. Epidemic among those who do not know God - Rom. 1:28-32; II Cor. 12:20; II Tim. 3:3

I. Gossip is sin - diabolic - contrary to character of God

1. ego-enhancing - tear others down to build self up

2. comparison

IV. Gossip in the midst of Christian community.

A. Violates and dissipates “community of trust” in Body of Christ.

B. Destructive, divisive

C. Done subtlely under pretense of prayer requests

D. Church discipline sometimes necessary

V. Avoiding gossip.

A. Love does not act unbecomingly - I Cor. 13:5

B. Choose your mind-set - Phil. 4:8; Col. 3:2

1. Old saying:

”Simple people talk about other people.

Average people talk about things.

Wise people talk about ideas.”

C. Do not say anything about another person that you would not be willing to say to directly.

D. How should we respond when someone begins to gossip?

1. Don’t participate

2. Avoid - Prov. 20:19

3. Change subject

4. Confront

VI. Practical considerations of passing information about another.

A. Letters of recommendation.

B. Preaching illustrations.

C. Counseling confidentiality.

D. Those in positions of authority.

to be animal like....

A lion is to have a graceful quietness but yet…a sharp sense of your surroundings. Nothing gets passed you without challenge.

A duck. Because it knows how to just let things ROLL off its back (thanks Mom, Pastor & Mentor). Advanced: A swan. Delightful!

An eagle. Yes. Yep. Using the storms to gain Altitude.

Strive. Become. Observe.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Professor Experience...

A new beginning another journey, at least by me. I walk in....sit down...and mingling with everyone. When 7:55 comes I sit down and wait for the Professor.

I enjoy people. I enjoy learning about them. Here I am just waiting patiently. Not knowing anyone...I say to myself. Okay? What time is it? It is time to go yet. Fear and doubt kicks in....I get nervous.

I look across the room and I catch the eye of another person. I am saying to myself...OMG...look away FAST. What is it about this person that has me pondering? I am sitting here picking my brain trying to overstand what's in theirs. I shake the thought, oh well.

So I sit there and I wait for the Professor to come in. The Professor walks in. Stands in the middle of the room, and commands attention. I look at "it" because its strange....its neither a woman or a man. What the heck is this I say to myself.

It turns around.....takes a deep breath. And shakes it's head and walks towards the blackboard. It writes on the board "Professor Experience Builds Character" I say to myself...what in the world is this?

My legs don't work. My body is stiff. When I try to move...its like my inner being gets up...but leaves the rest of me behind. I am like...looking back at myself saying....COME ON IDIOT LETS RUN NOW! I come to "real EYES" that its my fear and doubt telling me not to go there.

I reckon with the struggle and I come together again. I look around the room....and everyone has left. Its just me. The one student that did not...because she could not,


Why me? I ask myself. Why do I have to be in this class with Professor Experience? Why do I always get into these situations? The part of me that is adventurous goes wholeheartedly forward. While fear and doubt holds the rest of me back.

Professor Experience comes to me and looks at me and says....

"How do you expect thrive in your future career and in life if you will not allow yourself to experience?"

I look at it with a smirk on my face and say, "excuse me, do you know what's best for me? Why don't you take a walk in my old shoes and tell me why part of me went skipping and the other sat here doubting?"

Professor looks at me and shakes it's head and says, "When I stood in the middle of this room, I knew that YOU were the one I was here to teach. That's why I turned around and shook my head."

I looked at Professor Experience and rolled my eyes as hard as I could and stood up and said, "Do you have ANY idea the pain, hurt, disappointment, despair, regrets and rejection I have had in my life? Do you have ANY idea what its like to cry yourself to sleep, cry in your sleep, and wake up crying because you just can't understand why life has dealt this card?" I do the very best I can...I love people, I give, I work, I am everything to everyone, yet it is all in vain. I keep choosing the same card over and over in my relationships, in my daily dealings with people, in my career choices, in my affairs, and I just can't seem to figure out what my lesson is!"

Professor Experience turned it's head walked to the blackboard and started writing....

and writing......and writing.......

I look at the board....wiping the tears from my face and what did I see? Nothing. I wiped my face again...but nothing was there to read. I stood there puzzled. It looked at me and said, "Experience builds character. Keep living...keep learning....keep moving forward." Then it waved at me to come follow the path not taken.....

Redefining Beauty

Must I be tall, slim or thin?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Must I have long hair, straight without natural curl?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Must I be flawless like the little Barbie that I had?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Must I seek the approval of a man to validate me?

Or should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Must I hide behind layers of foundation?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Must I bleach my skin to get the part?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Should I run to the nearest cosmetic surgeon?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Must I compete to be among the best dressed?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

Should I hide behind closed doors because I am ashamed?

Should I allow the media to dictate who I am?

I am here to redefine beauty.

I am here to redefine beauty, I come in different shapes, sizes, and heights.

I am here to redefine beauty, My hair comes in different lengths, textures, styles, and its natural.

I am here to redefine beauty, I am not flawless, because I am real.

I am here to redefine beauty, I don't need validation from anyone, I hold my beauty in my eyes.

I am here to redefine beauty, Because I am not afraid to go natural, it is natural that God made me.

I am here to redefine beauty, I don't have to bleach my skin to attempt to hide my unique self.

I am here to redefine beauty, I don't have to be under the knife of a Doctor.

I am here to redefine beauty, no need to recreate my wardrobe, I spice up anything I wear with what I have.

I am here to redefine beauty, I walk with my head up, and my confidence turned up because I am what I am, no need to prove anything!

Whomever you are...whatever makes you who you proud, and wear it well. For beauty IS in the eye of the beholder!

A day in my life...a mini sermon!

At times sitting in Church, my friend and I are giggling because I be saying things because the word is like CONFIRMATION of my situation. GOD is amazing, not amazing in that he surprises me, what he does, but he did it in the word. And what he does is that of his NATURE. The VERY NATURE of GOD. He amazes Renee because he keeps proving himself over and over, because he confirms, and reassures, his motive, desire, and desire for our lives, is to make us step by step, walk out the word of GOD, and use it to GUIDED, TEACH, DELIVER,CHASE, PUSH, and PROVOKE us to make it our LIFE.

Sunday, I was getting dressed. Why does GOD come to us when we are getting dressed? Showering, etc etc?

I guess because a lot of us, I know I do, just think think think, as I am getting dressed. I can process a lot of information during this time.

As I was getting dressed Sunday for church, the Holy Spirit said: Just trust in GOD, just trust him. Trust him. For who else can you trust?

I said okay GOD, I hear you.

SO I went on about my business.

So Sunday morning service, and afternoon, really just put the icing on the cake.

A lot of times I am just sitting in church I am listening, but I am also processing, and GOD gives me revelation for my own situations.

A lot of times when I am praising GOD I am also singing a new song, just singing praises, GLORY and honor to GOD.

Today, I had to take my son to the doctor and stuff. SO by me having the day off, I was able to stop by my sisters house and let the kids use me to hold & spoil them. (she has a in home day care) LOL.

But I was over there with her, and why did she ask me what Pastor (also our mother) preached on? I said girl I don't know because a lot of times, (which is bad) I process, and chew on, and get revelation right in church listening....and I need to start taking notes, but the teaching be so good, I am eating it then. And it saturates my heart. But she went upstairs, and I had laid Little Ray (Sugar Ray Leonard, because his cry STINGS LIKE A BEE), but I laid him down, and picked up her Bible and began to read about Moses. I have to say: Moses was a stone TRIP.

After GOD had (summons him, my favorite word lately.....because GODS word is summonsing (if that's a word) me. After GOD had came to MOSES, and gave him the basically (GAME PLAN of what he was going to have him do....and minister to the people) MOSES yet and still didn't not want to go.

I said to myself, what kind of sense? SO I was processing this, and I said, GOD. HELP ME. Because a lot of times, GOD summons us. and comes and gives us the game plan.....YET we STILL do not TRUST enough in GOD to do it.

But yet we sit in church, NOD and say amen, glory, hallelujah, leave church go home, yet living a life YET still defeated? Why? Because we doubt GOD. We worry.

I said, GOD help me. I mean, GOD is our coach. A coach is chosen in life, because of his expertise in the area of sport. He gives you a game plan, because he knows it will WORK. EVEN MORE so with GOD, his game plan is THE GAME PLAN.

Why trust in MAN? Because although a coach, in the world, knows what he is talking about, he sometimes, has a plan that don't work. BUT the good thing about GOD is....he is the COACH, and he is VALIDATED, because he gave us the GAME PLAN, which is the GOD-BREATHED WORD OF GOD!

He is the coach of all coaches, he is the GREAT I am...He is the I AM who I am....his plans NEVER FAIL.

Moses had the NERVE to say: And what if they don't believe.

WHAT! KINDA! SENSE! (for those who know me, this is my favorite phrase as of lately).

We are just like MOSES!

We have the goods, but we are afraid to fail. God has came up with a game plan, gave us the paper, and said now go forth and DO, yet we still, are saying why me lord? Can you get someone else more qualified? We are going through hell and high water because GOD is qualifying us! He has already gave you the keys, he has already worked it out in OUR favor, now just shut up and GO do! You are wasting TIME!

So, when my sister came downstairs, we just talked about GOD.

Not complex, just simple.

Why do people sit in church, say amen, and GO home DEFEATED?

2 Timothy 3. Ever learning, but never coming into the KNOWLEDGE OF GOD!

Saying they have faith....but yet they still have mustard seed faith!

I told Dee, yea that was when you first accepted Christ. And the mustard seed was good at the time (and still is)....but the Bible says: YE of LITTLE faith, so apparently like my friend preached one time, as the Bible progresses you had to have increased your faith.

Your MINDSET, speech, and FAITH size MUST increase.

I told her, I said people are CRAZY!

And they wonder why they are still in the same situations, and trails. Always seemingly to never LEARN, GROW and COME OUT OF, or go through KNOWING that victory has already been won!

I told Dee (my sister),

These are the things I have and MUST learned.......

1. I cant NOT pay my tithes. because then I am cursed.

2. I cant AFFORD TO SPEAK death over my finances OR my situations!

Now, I told her....if people tell you to speak GOOD about children, because if you speak bad it comes into being....

Same true for our tongues speaking into our life.

Speak LIFE in your situations, speak LIFE into your finances!

Ever WONDER WHY you are still going through financially, and in other areas of your life?

Because 1. You are continue to speak DEATH over everything, and never speaking LIFE into the situations, you lack BIGGER faith, you lack, BELIEF, you doubt GOD, and you are calling GOD a LIE!

Yes you are calling GOD a LIE!

Because yes its natural to worry, but to worry yourself SICK and WEARY, over a situation you cant control? Worrying is the EXPECTATION that GOD will fail you! WHAT? Yes, instead of you EXPECTING GOD to overturn in your situation, you continue to DOUBT HIM. He has given you POWER, and PROMISES! If you WORRY, your expectation is that GOD hasn't made a way out of no way. Your expectation is that HE hasn't worked out things.

2. Perhaps you are going through, and still in your situation, because like you Pastor, MOM, and mentor....that GOD is working in your favor...Like he did MOSES. Continue to read. I like this scripture: 3:21. As I was reading to Dee, her and I both...chewing it...I said wait. Girl I am stuck on verse 21. Look at that: FAVORABLY. Hmmmmmmmmmm? He is working in your favor. He had ALREADY worked it out, and he came BACK to MOSES, as he was in his season of the backside of the desert.....he came to MOSES with the game plan. As you read on....GOD gave him 3...different things to do, JUST in case, they didn't believe. But as the story progresses, it was like, honey dripping from a honey cone, they believed! Game plan, played, and scored!

3. Perhaps GOD is having you to go though because its a LESSON to be learned. Perhaps you faith needs to increase. Perhaps you are ever hearing, but never coming into the FULL knowledge of....

4. Perhaps you are in the situation longer then you were suppose to be because your MINDSET, DOUBT, and sword of your tongue is killing all possibility. Perhaps, when you talk with people, trying to get a work from everyone but the MASTER GAME PLAN: The Bible. Perhaps you keep speaking, girl I don't have it, girl I don't, girl I cant, girl I have bills, girl I this, girl I that....Why with your words, and you realize that you are charging GOD foolish?

So, this is what GOD has been giving me.

I tell you, I KNOW I haven't arrived, and I have TONS of growing to do, but as I told Dee, I told her I am like GOD...just help me to restructure my speech, my mentality, and help me to TRUST in you.....Lord JUST help me, oh Lord, HELP me. I told her I said, girl I have never trusted in GOD, like I am now!

I mean its not like we were rich, in the Tri City area, but its like when you get separated, and divorced, you do have challenges in finances. YET trust in GOD.

When all else fails, TRUST IN GOD.

He is not going to allow you to go on a shopping spree every week, but he said you will NEVER need for anything. He will supply ALL of your needs.


MY songs: LET GO, soon as I stop worrying, and LET GOD, let him have his WAY!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Secret Private Pain

Unless you have been here, it would be hard to explain. Although I never want to re-live the times in my life where I experienced this type of pain…I also don’t want to forget where GOD has brought me either. I don’t look back at these times, because I want to nurture, caress and not let it go…I look back at it as a reminder that I once didn’t think I would get over these times in my life. This is just one of my countless reasons why my heart goes out to hurting people. Depending on how deep their pain is…its hard to reach them sometimes. But you know what? I was one of those people. I am grateful to have had some “BUT GOD” moments in my life.

I don’t know how many of you remember me as Debra White in school. Elementary, Middle school, high school and college. Some of you remember so don’t. This is also a reason why I hate with a passion when kids are bullied, talked about and taunted in school as well. That kind of pain walks with a person till GOD delivers them.

Like my Pastor, and mom has said so many times before. I don’t know who every said that sticks and stones my hurt my bones but words will never hurt me. I beg to differ.

Not only did I suffer deep pain in my school age years, that pain went with me up through college as well. I didn’t stop at college either. I must say I had one friend that stayed with me, and I really thank for her friendship. Many of you knew her as Carletta Williams. Now married, Carletta McCullough ( I think I spelled it right).

Private pain is the type of pain that runs deep. The kind that keeps you up at night. The kind that the devil torments you with. I don’t know if my sister Paulette White remembers, but one day she sent me a card that said, “tear stained pillows” I still have that card today. That was the story of my life. This is the kind of pain that keeps you either flipping your pillow in hopes to find a dry side, or reaching for a dry pillow while trying to MAKE yourself fall asleep.

This is the kind of pain that drugs, alcohol, sex and not other so called means of coping can remedy. I am talking to those of you that have been born and raised in the Church, those that have it inside of you, but have covered it up and refuse to allow the “knowing” that it is a redeemer to minister to you.

Many of us know of GOD and about GOD, but that knowing hasn’t bought us into a healthy place. We have knowledge of GOD but haven’t embraced it to provoke us to change. We are running to and fro….here and there trying to find what GOD has given us the option to use. GOD is NOT going to force himself on us. We must be willing. But what is it that keeps you up at night? Why are you continuing to chase after something that is not there. That false hope and emptiness that the devil has given us.

Are you still holding onto pain and hurt that someone else has caused you? Is that same pain, giving you reason to stay out “THERE” too long? I have written about this many times before. I believe the last time I wrote about it…it was titled “Provoking Thoughts.”

When will you get sick and tired of being sick and tired? Like my Pastor said if you play around too much the devil will take you farther than you wanted to, and keep you longer than you wanted to. How long will you allow your PAIN to dictate how, when, and what makes you happy.

Some of you only know Debra from December 2006 + …so you don’t know where I have come from. Like I said I haven’t arrived, however I have certainly come a long way. I have YET to give my full testimony. But trust me when I tell you I know pain. And its not good. If you were to look at a recent picture of me and a old picture of me, you would not even KNOW who you are looking at. You might realize its me, but you would not believe how the face of hidden, deep secret pain can look. Its not pleasant. That’s when the devil has a hold of you and your very countenance is different. Have you every seen a commercial on depression medicines? Or a commercial on clinical depression? Imagine that.

How much longer are you going to allow the devil to beat you up. You can either choose to hang on to it, or you can chose to let it go. If you make a conscious decision to let it go, get help and move on with life. Trust me it will not be easy, but it can be done.

Believe it or not, the choice is yours. Once you REALLY make up your mind…the sky is the limit to the PURE JOY…that you can experience. I mean the kind of JOY and PEACE that surpasses all understanding.

Trust me. I am sure there were many who counted me out of the race, and had held me in their minds as down for the count. BUT GOD. God will use the LEAST of us….to bring GLORY to his KINGDOM. When the world counts you out, GOD counts you in. Don’t allow the world to dictate who you are, and what you will become, because GOD has a greater work in store for you! IF you allow him to heal the hidden, secret pain that you carry.

Why not start living today?

Are you resilient?

Wow, what an absolutely beautiful day is it out there today. How’s your inner forecast doing?

As I work from home today, thinking about what has happened during this week of vacation for me (son was out of town, smile). I have had some time to reflect on some things. What came up in my spirit was a question. Are you resilient? Are you able to bounce back? Now do you see how God can sometimes deal with me? I am like…hmmm good question. That’s what I love about the Holy Spirit. Just when you think you have conquered some areas of your life you’ve challenges with, the Holy Spirit gives you a mirror to ask and question yourself, basically provoke within you a self-evaluation. Oh, and let’s not forget the people and situations that will come up to test you!

The past few weeks has been a bit challenging for me to say the very least. Its been wonderful to know that my son is away with family having a blast, and its been awesome doing nothing but relaxing…but at the same time…tests, trials, tribulation, adversity, and the such continue, just as life itself. So, in short there has been quite a few things that has troubled me this week. Thankfully, my relationship with GOD, my coping skills, and ability to bounce back kicked into high gear. I definitely haven’t arrived but I am glad to know that trouble don’t last always. Its up to us to choose our attitude, when things do not go according to planned. The attitude we choose will be a direct reflection on the actions we take. In addition to that thought pattern, the serenity prayer helps as well. It doesn’t benefit us to worry over something that we have no control over. It only causes frustration, anxiety, regret, and disappointment, just to name a few.

Being resilient requires effort. We should constantly work on self-evaluation, positive thinking or redirecting your mindset, overcoming objections, forgiveness, being realistic & practical, and inner strength. Surprised? Well, it’s a ongoing learning process that has room for error. No one is perfect. In life there will be ups and downs, but what is your ability to adjust and bounce back? Granted, its only natural to be upset, mad, angry, disappointed and frustrated at times, but the key is NOT to remain there long. Bouncing back is just that, if you fall down just have the courage to get back up, and take another look. Doing the same thing over and over is just insanity.

In these perilous times (2 Timothy 3:1) it’s the our mind set and trickery of the adversary that has people snapping and loosing their minds. So why not take some time out and evaluate ourselves and work on being resilient. Like my father and late Pastor Lonnie White, used to say: Preparation is not a lost of time.

Romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Let’s think on this, and reflect.