Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Secret Private Pain

Unless you have been here, it would be hard to explain. Although I never want to re-live the times in my life where I experienced this type of pain…I also don’t want to forget where GOD has brought me either. I don’t look back at these times, because I want to nurture, caress and not let it go…I look back at it as a reminder that I once didn’t think I would get over these times in my life. This is just one of my countless reasons why my heart goes out to hurting people. Depending on how deep their pain is…its hard to reach them sometimes. But you know what? I was one of those people. I am grateful to have had some “BUT GOD” moments in my life.

I don’t know how many of you remember me as Debra White in school. Elementary, Middle school, high school and college. Some of you remember so don’t. This is also a reason why I hate with a passion when kids are bullied, talked about and taunted in school as well. That kind of pain walks with a person till GOD delivers them.

Like my Pastor, and mom has said so many times before. I don’t know who every said that sticks and stones my hurt my bones but words will never hurt me. I beg to differ.

Not only did I suffer deep pain in my school age years, that pain went with me up through college as well. I didn’t stop at college either. I must say I had one friend that stayed with me, and I really thank for her friendship. Many of you knew her as Carletta Williams. Now married, Carletta McCullough ( I think I spelled it right).

Private pain is the type of pain that runs deep. The kind that keeps you up at night. The kind that the devil torments you with. I don’t know if my sister Paulette White remembers, but one day she sent me a card that said, “tear stained pillows” I still have that card today. That was the story of my life. This is the kind of pain that keeps you either flipping your pillow in hopes to find a dry side, or reaching for a dry pillow while trying to MAKE yourself fall asleep.

This is the kind of pain that drugs, alcohol, sex and not other so called means of coping can remedy. I am talking to those of you that have been born and raised in the Church, those that have it inside of you, but have covered it up and refuse to allow the “knowing” that it is a redeemer to minister to you.

Many of us know of GOD and about GOD, but that knowing hasn’t bought us into a healthy place. We have knowledge of GOD but haven’t embraced it to provoke us to change. We are running to and fro….here and there trying to find what GOD has given us the option to use. GOD is NOT going to force himself on us. We must be willing. But what is it that keeps you up at night? Why are you continuing to chase after something that is not there. That false hope and emptiness that the devil has given us.

Are you still holding onto pain and hurt that someone else has caused you? Is that same pain, giving you reason to stay out “THERE” too long? I have written about this many times before. I believe the last time I wrote about it…it was titled “Provoking Thoughts.”

When will you get sick and tired of being sick and tired? Like my Pastor said if you play around too much the devil will take you farther than you wanted to, and keep you longer than you wanted to. How long will you allow your PAIN to dictate how, when, and what makes you happy.

Some of you only know Debra from December 2006 + …so you don’t know where I have come from. Like I said I haven’t arrived, however I have certainly come a long way. I have YET to give my full testimony. But trust me when I tell you I know pain. And its not good. If you were to look at a recent picture of me and a old picture of me, you would not even KNOW who you are looking at. You might realize its me, but you would not believe how the face of hidden, deep secret pain can look. Its not pleasant. That’s when the devil has a hold of you and your very countenance is different. Have you every seen a commercial on depression medicines? Or a commercial on clinical depression? Imagine that.

How much longer are you going to allow the devil to beat you up. You can either choose to hang on to it, or you can chose to let it go. If you make a conscious decision to let it go, get help and move on with life. Trust me it will not be easy, but it can be done.

Believe it or not, the choice is yours. Once you REALLY make up your mind…the sky is the limit to the PURE JOY…that you can experience. I mean the kind of JOY and PEACE that surpasses all understanding.

Trust me. I am sure there were many who counted me out of the race, and had held me in their minds as down for the count. BUT GOD. God will use the LEAST of us….to bring GLORY to his KINGDOM. When the world counts you out, GOD counts you in. Don’t allow the world to dictate who you are, and what you will become, because GOD has a greater work in store for you! IF you allow him to heal the hidden, secret pain that you carry.

Why not start living today?

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